I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
