Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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