She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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