in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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