I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
