you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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