i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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