Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
