I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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