THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
my liver is dry heaving
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
