It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
