I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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