Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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