I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
