This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
