is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
