Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
