At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
