Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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