Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
