I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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