it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
