Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
