i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
