Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
