I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
