I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
