dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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