No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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