do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need to align my fucking chakras
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
