you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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