Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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