I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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