She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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