oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
