votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
