i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
