Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
