Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
