After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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