You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
