I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
