It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
