Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
