weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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