walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
