I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
