I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
