Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
