Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
