You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
